It....

        I don't remember the exact moment or the day or what finally caused it to happen. But it did. It's been a work in progress ever since and though I have had setbacks and occasionally have doubts that sometimes hold me back, it's still happening and I'm still getting it back...and in some cases starting it from scratch.. Some people don't believe I'm actually doing it. Others simply think I can't...not a word I care for..because I CAN and I am. Naysayers who have whispered in my ear for what feels like an eternity are slowly becoming harder to hear and the negative, hurtful people who's seemingly sole mission in life was to make me a shell of a person then shatter that shell into so many pieces there was no Humpty Dumpty moment of putting me back together again are slowly becoming nothing more than distant ghosts of yesteryear...and much to their dismay that "shattered and scattered all over the floor shell-girl" has swept up the pieces and put them back together again and is REALLY doing it...I've been gathering it all up and putting it back where it belongs...."It"...it.....

IT!? You are probably wondering "what the FUCK is 'IT'??"

IT is my body
IT is my heart and soul
IT is my spirit
IT is my voice
IT is my pride
IT is me...
It...IT...is my life....and I'm taking "It" all back...

For decades IT was in the hands of others to do with as they wished...My body was a playground for the sick, twisted and manipulative...from a young child on I was nothing more than a fleshy, breathing, life sized sex toy for the demented and perverse... My heart was broken and my soul left to wither away...My spirit trampled, my voice ripped from me and my pride...well it never had a chance..."It" belonged to them...I belonged to them..My life was their entertainment...my pain was their pleasure...for years this was my existence..and then something changed..something happened to make me realize that "IT" WAS MINE and damn it I wanted it back!! Here I am 20 years later..still fighting..still fixing..still searching for a couple missing pieces and building others from the ground up but for the most part..."It" is mine again..and it is worth it! ;-)