Parenting..Part 2..the Adult Yrs...

Well holy hot damn! Several years have gone by since I wrote Parenting Part 1...SO many yrs in fact, that my two oldest are now 20 and almost 22..*gasp*....I KNOW RIGHT?!?! W.T.F?! Seems like just yesterday they were itty bitty pains in my ass ;-) Now they are grown up pains in my ass LOL...Seriously though....Damn...I don't even know where to being...Do I still love being a mom? HELL YEA!! and yes even though they are grown and one is now off on his own with his sister probably not far behind, I am and always will be "Mama Bear"...The 3 of us are still very close, we still communicate openly and honestly with each other (except maybe those 2 with each other at times which of course makes me want to slap them both with a shoe), we are very protective of one another...They are still my light and life, my heart and soul...*super big sigh*....

Parenting.....man!...what a freakin trip! Seriously..its been a crazy, frustrating, sometimes scary, insane fucking ride! The BEST ride of my life! The questions, doubts, fears and such never ended while raising my kids..they just...changed....How do I handle bullying? Omg what do I do about "the talk" (sex of course)? That one was scary when it came to dealing with my son hitting puberty! Am I being the best mom I can? What if I totally fuck them up and my crazies rub off on them? OMG WHAT IF I BREAK THEM??? *gasp* OMFG WHAT IF THEY BREAK ME?!?!? *super gasp!* LOL Well I am here to tell you...we all survived!! *does a little happy dance*

Those of you who read the original Parenting article might be asking..."ok Jo...so what ARE the rules to parenting?!"...LOL Truth? I guess the best answer to that is, there really AREN'T any..I mean there ARE but we kinda just made them up as we went along really. Some of the very first ones were actually rules I put on myself FIRST then as they got older, had them follow them as well..Key ones being

~ RESPECT!
~ COMMUNICATION!
~ HONESTY 
and finally
~ TEAMWORK!

Shall I break them down for you?? Well alright then! Let's do it!! :-)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!! = I realized when they were very young that, even though they are an extension of me, they are their own beings with feelings, thoughts, opinions and personalities all their own. It was up to me to respect that even when I, at times, didn't agree with them or whatever. This was a big thing when they were young of course but as they got older it became even more important. Not just to or for me, but also them. They needed to learn to not only respect me and my role in the family but also to respect each other and basically anyone they came/come in contact with from there on out. I'm a firm believer that EVERYONE we meet in life deserves to be treated with respect UNTIL they say or do something to have that no longer apply to them. HOWEVER, most of the time its not that simple when getting kids to grasp the idea LOL...

It is NOT, IMO, ok to start disrespecting a friend just because you've had a fight over something that was most likely stupid in the first damn place (which is generally the case with kids ;-) )...eventually, the fight is water under the bridge and you become best buds again. That respect should still be there....If a teacher is an asshole to you day in and day out you MAY NOT disrespect that teacher! Not because is isn't earned due to the teachers behaviour but because that teacher is in a position of authority....O.M.F.G! Trying to get these two to grasp THAT one was hellish!! (BUT FUNNY!!)..

Short story here.....So, even though they weren't in the same grade, one semester in High School, my spawns had a math class together for whatever reason. The teacher was a bit..shall we say..."off" (he would show the kids home video of himself hypnotizing chickens and was convinced he'd been abducted by aliens, yea, he was OFF)..and already had an issue with my son (they did NOT like each other at all and constantly butted heads) from the previous yr...WELL! Gods be damned if someone is going to pick on/single out one of my kids in front of the other!! They will go to bat for each other, get super protective etc and will, if they feel its needed, verbally "gang up" (for lack of a better way to word it) on you to put you in your place and let you know that picking on their sibling is not ok. UGH..that is exactly what happened one day in this damn math class! My son being...my son LOL..pointed out that I am Pagan in response to this teacher bringing up God in class one day (MATH class remember)..Well teacher, if I remember correctly, made the mistake of saying something not so smart as his reply which in the eyes of my protective children, was a dig at their mother...O.M.F.G didn't BOTH my damn kids see this as a "go" to make comments about picking up black candles on the way home because we were sacrificing a chicken during our ritual that night after dinner!!! *face palm*..Guess who got a phone call from the teacher later that day?? *raises her hand* THIS MOM!! Do you have ANY IDEA how hard it is to NOT bust out laughing while the story is being retold to you by a very flustered, out of his head teacher?? IT'S HARD!! It's equally as hard to scold your children for being disrespectful to the teacher in front of the class no less without laughing your ass off..I actually failed on that one..In fact I do believe I high-fived them both...BUT they both knew that just because I was entertained in this particular case, the disrespect was NOT ok.

Anyway, teaching your kids respect and having them apply it in their lives....tricky....but a must..just wing it from your heart and you should be fine...

COMMUNICATION! TALK TO ME MAN!!

Anyone who knows me knows that communication is a HUGE thing in my life and has been for many years...I love having deep meaningful conversations..I also have no problem talking quite freely about the trauma in my past, the things I've done and so on....Communication is SO very important to me that it was only natural when I had my kids it be important to them too. I wanted, hell I NEEDED my kids to be comfortable enough to come talk to me openly about everything and anything should they want or need to. 

I truly believe that my being open with my kids and talking to them (age appropriately of course) over the yrs about things in my past, (drug use for example and the abuse I went through) has not only help our bond but also has strengthened our trust with each other. Being able to talk openly and honestly helps us resolve issues individually and as a family unit...I also believe it made it easier for them to come to me with the big issues (like my daughter coming out..not that she needed to cause I knew ;-) ) without worrying about my reaction or whether or not I'd listen etc etc....

I dunno, I can't really explain it..but trust me when I say, communication IS key..in any relationship but ESPECIALLY with your kids!!

The next two are simple;

HONESTY! JUST BE REAL!!

One thing my kids know and have ALWAYS known is that lying to me is a BIG! NO NO! I don't like being lied to by anyone but holy crap on a cracker let me tell ya, my kids have both made the mistake of lying to me when they were younger and DAMN they learned RIGHT QUICK! Honesty is a good thing...its an important thing even if its tough at times. HOWEVER being honest doesn't mean one can be a douche about it...being mindful of the feelings of others when being honest is a must! Being real..well that's something that sadly so many ppl struggle with..Be real to you...Be YOU! Don't follow the masses, don't be a sheep...Just be real! :-) 

TEAMWORK!! THERE'S NO "I" blah blah blah LOL

As much as we are individuals, we are a TEAM...We are a FAMILY! Working together makes life easier, happier and that bond so much stronger...Even when one of us is having issues or whatever, we need to work together whether that means putting our heads together to come up with a solution OR just being respectful and understanding enough to let one go through the motions ya know...Life in our house is never just about ONE of us...its about ALL of us..TOGETHER.. ;-) 

AND FINALLY...the things that really shouldn't need to be brought up but I will anyway...LAUGH!! OMFG...LAUGH! be silly! have fun! enjoy each other...and LOVE!! love each other UNCONDITIONALLY! and be sure to tell them every day that you love them!! 

I look back over the past almost 22 yrs and sometimes I cry..we've been through so much (losing my youngest/their baby brother, their fathers suicide, my being sick and the list goes on)..THEY have been through so much. It would have been nothing for the pair of them to have taken a very different road in life and ended up dead or in prison or any other negative thing..but they didn't. They fought through all the shit..they stood tall and strong..Sure they've had their downswings over the yrs but they're human, its to be expected! Even the strongest stumble at one point or another right!? ;-) 

I look at my kids now and I smile...I made my mistakes, believe me I've fucked up more than a few times in their lives but ya know what..I'm human, its to be expected. The big thing is, and maybe the most important thing... we never gave up...we DON'T give up...We respect each other, we talk it out, we are honest with one another and we work together...and we love and laugh! A LOT

I've screwed up a lot of things in my life and I readily admit it..but ya know what? I know I can leave this life knowing that I at least got ONE thing right..BEING A MOM!!

~ Namaste ~

Me