Publicly shaming our kids as punishment!?!? Who's freakin bright idea was THAT one??

*deep breath* 

Public Shaming/Humiliation IS NOT a new tactic for punishment..in fact, its been around for 100's of years and was commonplace way back. Up until recently, it wasn't something we really heard of occurring here in Canada (or the U.S for that matter) as a means of punishment in general..let alone as a means of discipline for our kids and teens. The past couple yrs though, it seems to be back and a quickly growing trend among parents as a means of putting their kids in place for a wrong-doing. Quite frankly, I have issues with this! Big issues with it actually..

When I was a kid in the 70's, if we did something wrong it was normal to get a swat or 5 on the ass either with a firm hand, or in some households, with a wooden spoon, a belt, a ruler, a shoe ("slipper slapping" IMO was at an all time high back then) or whatever object a parent could quickly get their hands on to clip you with! Corporal punishment was the norm both at home and in school..(yes kiddies, our teachers and principals were in fact allow to give us a whollup, usually with a ruler, for being naughty little bastards)...Even in the 90's when I brought my Spawns of Satan into the world, a slap on the butt or tap on the mouth was still fairly acceptable, however in the early-ish to mid 2000's that changed and corporal punishment became a very taboo thing and in some areas prohibited either with or without conditions (example = in Canada the parent or legal guardian WAS allowed to spank their child provided they were no younger than 2 or older than 12 and it was done ONLY with the hand. That may have changed). Add to that the fact that kids were being told that if they were spanked (aka hit) by their parents/caregivers they could call the police and/or organizations like FACS ("Family & Children's Services"), they suddenly had a voice that would be heard for a change. HOLY CRAP that became a shit storm! Kids started using it as a threat to get away with being unruly, parents were livid that the system decided they could interfere in the homes..it was just a mess!

 To an extent I am ok with the law getting involved SIMPLY BECAUSE I knew of too many parents in my general age group who were taking it way to far, it wasn't punishment anymore, but straight up child abuse which is something I'm VERY passionately against. On the other hand though, the right to discipline our kids seemed to have been taken away entirely in the eyes of many and sadly a lot of parents threw up their hands in frustration and basically didn't discipline their kids at all out of fear of what the consequences might be! Sure enough we ended up with a shitload of disrespectful, wayward kids running around with no worries of getting in trouble! 

Fast forward to 2012-2013-ish and suddenly there are new stories about a couple of parents (separate cases) disciplining their kids by way of Public Shaming..kinda made me cock my head a little and frown but that's about it because I figured it was just 1 or 2 incidents that would be dealt with in the courts and it'd be done...WELL I was so wrong on that one! Here we are in 2015 and if you do a search online you will find DOZENS upon DOZENS+ of home videos of kids being punished this way! IN FACT you can also find news reports of courts also using this method as a means of punishment for adults...but I'm not concerned with that....Its the kids I worry about...

Bullying has become an extremely serious issue the past several yrs and sadly there have been more than a few cases where the end result was the death of the victim, often by their own hand. The damage, the pain and suffering a victim of bullying goes through is massive...and heartbreaking! It's abuse and one rarely comes out the other side of being regularly abused without issues..There was a time when bullying was thought of to be strictly a physical thing, however nowadays, we know this isn't the case. Bullying comes in many forms including verbal and mental/emotional. Well IMO, publicly shaming your kids for doing something wrong IS BULLYING! It's ABUSE! It can also have serious, possibly long lasting psychological consequences...

I'm sure many of you are shaking your heads and kissin your teeth in disagreement but hear me out....You're kid does something wrong, whether its skipping school or back talking you or any one of the other reasons a kid would get in trouble for and as punishment for it you not only make them stand on the busiest corner in the city at the busiest time, wearing a sandwich sign stating what it is they've done wrong and how they are "ungrateful" and "stupid" for doing it and "a bad child/son/daughter/person" but then you ALSO video tape it, ranting quite loudly the whole while to yourself, the camera, your child and anyone walking by with curious looks on their faces wonder what the fuck is going on and THEN you post it on your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc etc etc account AND THEIRS for all the world not only to see (and YES a good chunk of the world WILL see it) but also for anyone and their mother, father, cousin, neighbour blah blah blah to COMMENT ON IT!! As we all (should) know by now, there are assholes in the world who love nothing more than say rude, hurtful and cruel things if given half the chance and when it comes to the wonderful interwebs and people having that opportunity, there's 100x's more of those assholes just jumping on that chance. 

Now I could be wrong about this but I'd lay bets that any parent/caregiver who disciplines this way most likely reads the comments the world posts about what their stupid, ungrateful, bad child has done AND probably reads them to said child to "get the point across" even more..*big sigh*...guess what ppl?!?! THAT is abuse..you belittled them, scolded them and overall humiliated them in public..embarrassing them, shaming them...You taped it and showed it to the family, your friends, their friends, the community not once, not twice but 1000's of times over because that shit's gone world freakin wide! That's embarrassing them, shaming them AGAIN (and again and again since NOTHING online ever really goes away)...People post comments supporting your actions and scolding your kids for you....that's embarrassing them, shaming them...YET....AGAIN....and then you share some of the comments and praises, most of them being from complete strangers!, embarrassing them and shaming them...YUP..YET AGAIN!! Let's take it a bit farther..all this went down on a weekend...come Monday (Tuesday at the latest I'd figure), majority of the kids at your child's school have now seen this video..guess who's getting picked on for the next who knows how long?!?!?! YOUR KID!! So once again, you've succeeded at embarrassing them and shaming them...AGAIN!! 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?

How is this ok? WHY would a parent/caregiver think this is ok?! Were the possible psychological after effects even THOUGHT ABOUT before making this brilliant ground breaking choice?? As crazy as this sounds..I hope not! Because if you DID think it through and think about what this could and most likely would do to your child but you went ahead and did it anyway then you are a complete and total heartless, asshole!

We are suppose to be raising our kids to "treat others they way you want to be treated"...well would YOU be ok with someone pulling a stunt like that on you? I'd be inclined to think not...Would you have been ok with someone pulling this on you when you were a child or teenager?? I'd lay bets you wouldn't...

We should be raising our kids to know that words can cut like a knife and our actions can really hurt a person..but did you think about that when you were making that sign for your child to wear?

We should be raising our children to believe that they can come to us with anything, we love them unconditionally and will always be there for them, supportive and caring etc..Do you really think that after something like this they will ever come to you again when something serious is going in their lives that they need that unconditional, supportive, caring parent..Hell do you honestly believe they'll ever see you in that light again? I know I wouldn't!

Look, I get that being a parent is tough..I've raised kids myself, it's not easy by any means....but it really doesn't take a genius to figure out that this type of punishment just might not be the smartest, safest or most effective. Why not take the time to really think about it long term rather than running with the immediate "oh I'll show him/her who's boss! let's see if they ever pull THAT stunt again!!" rush of anger if that makes sense..I'm sorry but this form of punishment in my personal opinion is straight up cruel...and unnecessary..

Namaste 

~ Me